I remember that she would sit in front of me, and hand me a comb, asking me to braid her hair. We’d sit in the living room with the TV on, but I could never tell you what was showing on it. Her hair was thickly gray, with thin strands of black hair laying between. It was soft and strong, holding a lot of moisture that made it shine against her deep brown scalp, forehead, neck, and ears. Over time, the thickness would become thinner, but I remember the ease with which the comb would glide through her locks, and I was envious of her. That would never change.

She was so gentle, reminding me of spots that I’d missed when I combed. She’d softly say “don’t forget the back” or point quietly with her finger. When I’d put the comb down, she’d almost always reach back to grab it to silently finish herself.

I would do my best to braid it  — sometimes in a single braid, but my favorite thing was to create two, split shakily down the back of her crown. I’d convinced myself in those moments that she, like so many Black women with silky black hair, was part Native and had been blessed with the softness I wanted for myself. It wasn’t just a softness in her hair, but in her voice, her demeanor, and her spirit. 

My cousins will laugh because this wasn’t always how they experienced her. As the baby, I’d known a different Grandmommy. By the time I came around, there was a comb beside her chair, where a gun had been before. There was an almost meekness in her corrections where there had been stern punishment before. I’ll never know that Grandmommy, though I would have loved that version just the same.

In this world, it really isn’t often that we get to see Black women get to exist in this way. We are taught to be tough and strong, not taking any shit from anybody, as they so badly want to give us. recently, there’s been a shift in Black womanhood to change this presumption , so I really consider myself so fortunate. To have known a soft Black woman, and to have braided her soft black hair, long before I would seek to become one myself.